This Tickle is entitled, “Cereal Blues.” Last week I dropped a huge container of Rice Krispies on the kitchen floor. I cleaned it up, but yet I still kept finding them throughout the week: behind the microwave, under the fridge, and in the fruit bowl. Next time, I’m gonna be like Jack Bauer and use torture to find out where those Krispies are hiding: Like by spraying the whole darn kitchen down with water and making them talk! Which brings me to this: How come other cereals can’t be tortured into talking? They’re either just real tough cereals or they were made without cereal vocal cords. Anyway, if other cereals could talk I wonder what they would say?
Product 19 – “How come I ain’t never got no prize!!”
Smacks — “Kelloggs used to be a pimp. And one night he had to put one of his girls back in her place. And while doing so, he came up with another great name for a cereal…Smacks.”
Apple Jacks — “I taste awful.”
Cap’n Crunch — “I ain’t know how to drive a boat, I ain’t never been on a boat, I ain’t ever wanna be on a boat. So why do I gotta wear this stupid hat?”
Fruity Pebbles — “Warning: do not add milk if you’re on LSD.”
Count Chocula – “Great. You found a socially acceptable way to have chocolate for breakfast. How depressed are you?”
Lucky Charms — “Lucky? You just spent five bucks on a box of cereal. You’re an idiot.”
Life cereal – “They should have a cereal called Death. So that people who eat breakfast won’t get their hopes up. Does Mikey like it…No, Mikey’s dead! His face fell into the bowl and his lungs filled up with milk. Are you happy now Mrs. Buttersworth? You got breakfast back! Stank a** syrup!”
Tags: cereal, Jack Bauer
That cracks me up! Poor Capt’n Crunch!
I used to feel sorry for him too. And it would just ruin my morning. But not anymore. You hear me Cap’n? NOT ANYMORE!!!
I beg to differ Lucky…I’m no idiot…your marshmallow charms really are lucky. Don’t knock it until you make a wish and take a bite of yourself.
I am not in favor of cereal cannibalism.
TAKE ME TO SEE LUCKY BEFORE I PUT THE SMACKS ON YOU WITH THIS CAPTAIN
Your tickles inspired me to google “cereal death.” Not much came of it.
Not yet. But in two hours you will receive a phone call. And nobody will be on the other line. Will you have more than 3 days to live? For your sake, I hope so — Fruit Loop Ringu
GOOD!
Thank you so much for your kind word.
i think i remember someone who lost cheerios in their home for years, and a group of friends included this fact in a parody version of the brady bunch theme song.
Yes. That was the only house where I had to wipe my feet after I left — leaving behind Cheerios on a Welcome mat.