This tickle is entitled, “Washing Hands.” When you wash your hands, you’re supposed to wash them long enough to sing Happy Birthday two times. Then most of the germs are supposed to die. I don’t know how long germs live, but it’s kind of morbid to sing Happy Birthday as you’re murdering them.
Have you ever sang Happy birthday two times in a row as you washed your hands? It’s not a Happy experience. It’s kinda boring, and people look at you funny if you’re in a public restroom. When I catch them staring I say, “What? They deserved it. Each one of them germs. And I hope they burn in hell.”
Who invented this song-cleaning method anyhow? I can never make it through even one verse. Which makes me feel really dirty. Like a first kiss with a girl that just had a fish oil burp.
Which brings me to dirty dishes. Am I supposed to sing Happy Birthday twice for each dish? And what about forks and spoons? Those actually go into your mouth. I don’t wanna be eatin’ no germs! And that would require a lot of Happy Birthdays. I would have to perform a soap cleaning concert each day. A soap opera. Even my mom wouldn’t stay for an encore of Happy Birthday after a concert of Happy Birthday.
Did you know that the Time-Warner Corporation owns the song Happy Birthday? And they get paid royalties every time it’s publicly sang or heard in a film? It’s true. If you look closely at your Time-Warner bill you’ll notice a small Happy Birthday charge. Next to it, in parenthesis it says, “Don’t lie. You know you sang that sh*t.”
Tags: cleaning, happy birthday, washing hands
I never heard of the “sing happy birthday” when washing your hands thing. Is this one of those things you know cause you’re a teacher? Same thing with “criss cross applesauce.”
It’s not my fault you still sit “Indian” style.
Is this why I never hear that song in a movie for more than 4 seconds?
You are correct brother. That’s how you stick it to the man.
I’ve heard this before, but really? Who has the time? No matter what, we’re germy. Is that one extra happy birthday going to make that big a difference? BTW, didn’t know someone actually owned the rights to the song.
Says the girl who NEVER gets sick…
Don’t you dare jinx her!!
Don’t you dare yell at her!!
Don’t you try to control my volume!!! And to answer one of ur questions…I first learned about the happy birthday washing hands thing on the news. It was mentioned last week. And a lot during the h1n1 scare. Eat that poop, Ben.
Thanks for defending me, Ben. Somebody’s got to stick up for the BIG sisters!
Eww oh man fish oil burp? That was such a vivid visual lmao
Thanks for that first kiss memory
Do the bacteria care are what song it is? Wouldn’t one chorus of Sinatra’s “It’s over” be more appropriate?
I would think that they do care, Michael. How insensitive of you. “It’s Over,” would be more appropriate, however, most hand washers are not familiar with those lyrics. Hence, Happy Birthday is a much more reasonable tune.