This tickle is entitled, “Random.” Sometimes I think about all the awful things that could happen. And there’s a lot of awful scenarios. But then people try to make you feel better by giving you statistics. Like relax, there’s a one in a thousand chance you’ll get hit by a bus filled with laughing middle school children — who think the sight of your blood is cool. Or there’s a one in a thousand chance you’ll be stabbed by a homeless man named Sock on your way to work – he didn’t mean it. Or there’s a one in a thousand chance an air conditioner will fall on your head, and you’ll never know if it was an Energy Saver or not. Or there’s a one in a thousand chance you’ll be eaten by a shark – who is actually sickened by the taste of your Old Spiced flavored armpits.
And geez, there’s so many rare and common diseases out there! But at first you’re like, “Great, one out of a thousand? I’m probably gonna be okay today. Phew.” But then again, if you add up all of the crazy random nasty crap that can happen to you, and there’s definitely way more than a thousand, then there’s probably a good chance one of those things will happen at some point in your life. That’s kinda scary. Especially if you think your biggest problem at the moment is “Do I eat the 20 piece Chicken McNuggets which give me the farts, or do I go with the McApple Pie which does the same but at least I’m eating apples…”