This Tickle is entitled, “Gym Noise.” Yesterday I was working out at the gym. And this guy was slamming his weights after he finished each rep. Some dudes do that. It’s really loud. And annoying. And not that I have sensitive ears, which I do, I always want to say “Shhh!” Which isn’t really a word. And if it was, it would definitely not be a tough sounding manly one. So unfortunately, “Shhhh!” has no place in a gym. I guess guys who slam their weights are all hoping that people turn around and say, “Woah! Nobody’s ever done that. You must have friggin’ magic muscles.” They’re kinda like kids who want you to watch them go down the slide or jump in the pool. But their parents probably never watched. “Yeah, yeah, honey. That’s great. You’re sooo great. ‘Cause that thing you just did on the slide: starting at the top and then twisting around to the bottom. What? That was genius.”
Sometimes those meatheads ask me to spot them. And I do. You’re supposed to. It’s like gym etiquette or something. But I wonder: what would happen if I refused? How long would they stare at me? What if they demanded an explanation? Should I say:
a) My muscles hurt from lifting heavier weights.
b) If I stand over you, I’m afraid I might make a stinky.
c) I’m not a DJ. I don’t take requests.
d) I’m not sure if I wore underwear today. Wait. If I do spot you, can you tell me?
e) My mom said ‘no.’
f) My wife will get jealous. Because you look like a girl.
g) I can hear your stupid music and it makes me wanna throw up in your mouth. In other words, I don’t wanna waste my expensive protein shake.